Journey to the Darkside

Ever taken a journey down the darkside? I have. It's amazing just how easy it is to take that path. As a matter of fact there is a line from a Star Wars video game which says the same thing. "It's a quiet thing to fall"(SWKOTOR) the character sighs in the game. That's the truth - it is a quiet thing to do and very easy. Many books, movies, and myths describe how easy it is. However, the truth is its not only easy and quiet ;its quick as well. So what was my personal trip to the darkside? It was one built upon the though of doing good and being helpful. The reality is the idea was sound; but it became corrupted with pride, brainwashing, avarice, and judgemental. You see I discovered in my fall that although I wanted to do what was right and good;it was the reason by which I was doing it that had changed. This is why so much is writen about the darkside. Most of us do not realize that we have fallen until it is to latte. For some it is a journey that they never escape from. Others do not even realize they have fallen. They continue on the path thinking that they are doing the right thing. Me? I was lucky. I started reading, thinking, and questioning my actions and attitudes toward my ideal. Finally, I opened my eyes and my mind which had kept me blind to my own false sense of superiority and condescending arrogance. I was appalled at what I had become. I had become what I hated and I did not like it one bit. The ext question I asked myself was why did I allow it to happen. After that I asked:"how do I pull myself back from this darkness?" Yes; darkness for that is exactly what it was. A void so large that I was horrified of it and myself. It really is a quiet thing to fall! But it is a hard and noisy thing to crawl out of the pit of darkness. It begins first with forgiveness. Forgiveness I asked those whom I had harmed with my arrogance. The second action is forgiveness of myself and to actually mean it. Third comes change. Change of attitude; change of thoughts; changing associations; but most importantly changing me. This is all hard to do. Its so much easier to ignore the truth and carry on the merry way that has become habit. I didn't want that;I wanted to be what I had first been. The person who wanted to serve by helping. Yet that person was gone. Shattered by the desire for wanting to be appreciated and acknowledgement. This is when I discovered a new truth: the journey down the darkside can bring about a rebirth. As a phoenix rises from the ashes of a fire; so too can I rise anew from the darkness I had perpetrated. This is the hope, guidance, and light I found. From this new knowledge I blazed the new trail back from the darkside. I have found the truth and light I had been searching for. A place of peace and awakening to be me and not the person others wanted me to be and who I thought I had to be. Yep! I took a fri down the darkside. It held me for awhile, but I have crossed that void and have learner from it. The darkside is a part of me always trying to bring me back on. I know how to fight it and it begins with honesty to oneself and the opening.of ones mind to new.ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and understanding that all one had to do is be me.